I am not normally one to post bad stuff about a company, but I am infuriated, and I have to share this.

Recently, I became aware that my entire family is on Facebook. When I say “entire family,” I mean my mom, brother, cousins, uncles, aunts, second-cousins. So since I like my family most of the time, I thought it would be cool to have an account on Facebook so I could be in “the club.” So I went on and tried to register for an account. I got an error message that said my name was rejected. Understanding that my first name often gets me mistaken for a company, I sent an email to the administrators for help. They sent back this message:

“Please reply to this email to verify that you are the owner of the account that you referenced in your Facebook support inquiry. This security step must be completed before Facebook can respond to your inquiry. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Please avoid creating an account with a different name while we are processing your request.”

So I replied to that message. Then I got this message:

“Facebook profiles are meant to represent a single individual. Groups, clubs, businesses, and other types of organizations are not permitted to maintain an account.

If you would like to use Facebook to represent your organization, we offer a Groups application. Facebook Groups allow users with common interests to come together to express objectives, discuss issues, post photos, etc. If you have a personal Facebook account, you can create a group from the top of the Groups page.”

So I replied to that message, assuring the company that I am, in fact, just an individual person. I was already reaching the end of my patience. Today I got this message:

“Facebook does not allow users to sign up with certain names that may be fake or associated with fake accounts. While we realize this verification method may prevent some users with legitimate names from initially registering, we feel this policy is currently the best method to prevent against malicious and fake accounts on the site.

We can help you regain access to your account, but we will need additional information. Please send a scanned image or digital picture of a (e.g., driver’s license) to idrequests@facebook.com in order to confirm your first and last name. Please make sure that your name, date of birth, and photo are all clearly visible and that any personal information that is not needed to verify your name (e.g., social security number) is blacked out. Keep in mind that we will permanently delete your ID from our servers once your name has been verified.

Finally, you should make sure to copy and paste all of our previous correspondence into your message when you reply. Once we have received this information, we will be able to assist you further. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.”

I’m sorry but are you freaking kidding me?! I have to scan and then Email my license?!! Should I also mail in a blood sample?! The sad thing is that I will do this, because I really feel left out of the conversations my family is having. So this stupid policy will stay in place. Arrrggghhh!!!

Mother’s Day is such a strange holiday. Everyone has different ideas about the “right” way to spend it. It has always made me think of flowers. My gramma loved flowers and I spent a couple of very special Mother’s Days planting flowers with my mom. Because of that I tend to equate the holiday with planting flowers.

I have never attempted this activity with Monkeyboy. This year, I decided, would be the year to try it out. He’s four, I told myself, and capable of tasks that require a little longer attention span. I told him we were going to plant flowers, and he was psyched.

Saturday morning, I got some flowers and a big Hibiscus bush/plant/thing (I didn’t inherit the knowledge of this stuff from Gramma). The plan was to clear out this big round, bricked-in place in the middle of my front yard and plant the Hibiscus there. There were some ugly bushes in it. So I tried to explain the process to Monkeyboy, but he was mostly interested in hitting stuff with the little shovel, playing with worms, and driving his toy police car through the dirt. It was freezing, and the going was slow. Finally, we got the whole thing cleared out. Now we were going to have the exciting part, planting the Hibiscus. I got the big shovel and dug into the ground in the center of the circle…and hit a giant tree stump about a foot deep. I gave up for the day.

Sunday, I moved on and planted the rest of the flowers in a different flowerbed. Monkeyboy played with worms, found spiders and centipedes and tortured what he insists on calling “Poly Rollies.” He also rode his bike, rode a scooter and played in the van.  He touched one flower in the two hours we were outside.

Somehow, I had pictured this as a much more tender and touching experience. Maybe if I had a girl?

Gramma B.:

You were the only grandparent that ever mattered in my life. Thank you for sharing wisdom, laughter and joy with us for so many years. I will miss you so much, but knowing you and Pam are together comforts me.