That’s a nod to one of my favorite Tim McGraw songs, by the way. If you aren’t familiar, I highly recommend looking it up.

Anyway, we’ve had a lot of very stressful days lately. Kid stress, job stress, family stress, even a death. This all makes the treat of our trip to Cancun all the sweeter. We leave Wednesday. Our cell phones won’t work there, which is equal parts terrifying and exhiliratingly liberating. It is 80+ degrees during the day in Cancun right now.

Pitcher just walked in the door. He’s on the phone, yelling and cussing at someone. That’s why God made Mexico.

I hate Valentine’s Day.  I have for many years, and I don’t really understand why we celebrate it. So this year I asked Bucket if we could just skip it. He agreed, which took a lot for him because he is a die-hard romantic and loves any excuse to spoil me (this is one of his better qualities). So we ignored it. However, when you live in a house with teenagers, it is hard to ignore a holiday that was practically created for that age group.

Here’s how it started. Princess, 14,  is “dating” a boy we’ll call Wendell. He’s fifteen. They live on opposite sides of town, which is practically another world to a teenager. But they talk on the phone constantly, and message each other on Myspace. They sometimes do these two activities at the same time. Anyway, Princess and Wendell wanted to go to the movies for Valentine’s Day. After learning that another couple would be accompanying them, we agreed to this plan.

Meanwhile, Pitcher has been kind of on-again, off-again with a girl we will call Manipulator. Lately, they’ve been off. I picked Pitcher up from work Friday night and Manipulator, who also works there, was there. They were talking while I waited in the car. Finally, he comes out and he says, “I have a problem.” Apparently, Manipulator said she was going to stop by the next morning, and Pitcher felt he should have a Valentine’s gift prepared for her. I cautioned him that since they were off, he might want to watch how much he’s investing in her. He said, and I liked this, “Just because she may not be Juliet doesn’t mean I’m not Romeo.” I couldn’t really argue with that logic, and besides, what good would it have done me? Pitcher’s ATM card hasn’t been working, so I handed him a loan of my last $40 and my car keys, and away he went to get something disgustingly sweet. I went to bed before he got home.

Saturday morning Pitcher had to be at a work meeting at 7 a.m. Before he left, he came in our room and said, “If someone could pick the house up, that would be cool.” I knew he was very nervous about Manipulator’s visit. Being the nice Stepmom I am, and totally nuts, I got up right after he left and proceeded to clean the house from top to bottom for the next FIVE HOURS.

Meanwhile, Princess has to go to Color Guard practice and when she comes home, her best friend comes with her. We will call her Hyper. Anyway, they are running around trying to get ready. Wendell is supposed to be at our house at 1:20, and then I am taking them all to the movies. I straighten Princess’s hair for her and make sure the house is in order.

By 1:20, neither Wendell nor Manipulator has shown up yet. Pitcher is getting cranky. The flowers, chocolate and card he got for her is sitting on his bed, and he finally gives the flowers to me. He is still trying to take credit for this gift-by-default.

Meanwhile, I walk upstairs to see Princess and Hyper vigorously brushing their teeth. They’re clearly planning to do some kissing. Also, with all the talk of movies, Monkeyboy has decided he wants to go to the movies too.

Wendell’s parents get lost and he arrives at 1:40. Movie starts at 1:55. Wendell has a stuffed animal, balloon and flowers for Princess. Wendell gets high marks all around. We race off to the movies in two cars, because now the whole family is going, albeit to different movies. Wendell and Princess and Hyper and her boyfriend are all holding hands every time I see them. Ick.

After the movie we come back home, all of us. Hyper’s boyfriend is being picked up from our house and Hyper is staying the night at our house. We are going to a party at a friend’s house where Wendell’s parents will also be, so he’s just riding with us. Anyway I walk past the bathroom that I had asked Pitcher to clean earlier that day and see he hasn’t touched it. I ask him about it and he says, “Why do I have to do more than everyone else?” Let’s just say that wasn’t the best thing for him to say to the woman that had put in five hours of cleaning for him before lunchtime.

Everyone except Pitcher leaves for the party. He’s decided to stay home and pout. At the party Monkeyboy gets sick to his stomach and I have to borrow extra pants and some pull-ups. He will continue to have accidents about once every hour for the next twelve hours. Princess and Wendell and Hyper stay downstairs at the party, but they’re with the rest of the “big kids” so I don’t worry too much.

The next day Princess sleeps until 3:00. Literally. She’s worn herself out. She and Wendell are more glued to their phones than ever, so I guess it went well. Pitcher was cranky, but they had today off for President’s Day and Manipulator came over. So I guess they’re on-again.

Ain’t love grand?

I’m not a Facebook-er, but frankly, this looks fun, and it gives me something to blog about So here you are, 25 random things about me.

1. My mother-in-law hates me.

2. This doesn’t bother me much.

3. I call my husband “Bucket” in real life. I called him this long before we were dating, let alone married.

4. I have an affection for big dogs. Amazingly, I don’t own any big dogs. The ladies are both medium-sized.

5. I am allergic to 22 different foods and spices and 69 “environmentals.”

6. My favorite color is black, and this is reflected in my wardrobe.

7. About a year ago I started to have to dye my hair for the purpose of covering gray.

8.  My favorite book is “The Scarlett Letter.”

9. I am terrible at math. Like, really, really bad.

10. I am 8 years youger than Bucket. I was 14 when Pitcher was born.

11. I had to have Monkeyboy by a C-section because he was breech and had low amniotic fluid. They had a hard time getting him out and had to make a vertical cut. This means any future children of mine must be delivered the same way.

12. I have a bad knee. (It’s the left one, if you’re curious.)

13. I had a miscarriage in 2001. It was the most traumatic experience of my life so far.

14. I’m going to Cancun in March, and this is the high point I am looking forward to at the moment.

15. I fell into a backyard pool when I was a baby. My brother saved me.

16. I love pasta of all kinds.

17. I want another baby.

18. Every other weekend, the kids are all supposed to go to their other parents’ houses. When this actually happens, Bucket and I refer to that time as ”dermatology.” This is a Grey’s Anatomy reference.

19. I am currently addicted to Orbit gum.

20. I am afraid of being in the ocean.

21. I am happier right now than I have ever been with my life.

22. My older brother is one of very few heros I have.  

23. When I was a kid, I scratched my eyeball on an aquarium. Last year when I had the first eye exam I’d had in years, the doctor told me if the cut had been an eighth of an inch in one direction, I would have lost my vision in that eye.

24. I text message more than anyone you know.

25. I think Angelina Jolie is probably the sexiest woman alive. Unfortunately, I find her personality to be downright ugly.

We had all the kids at home this weekend, and it’s starting to look like “off” weekends are a thing of the past. Despite the presence of the chillins’, Bucket and I took some time out for ourselves. None of it went as we ‘d planned, of course.

Friday night we went to a Pacer’s game. Monkeyboy stayed the night with my mom, Prankster went to a friend’s house to go sledding and watch movies and Princess was babysitting and staying with her Grandma. Pitcher had to work, but we arranged a ride home for him. All in all, he’d be alone for about two or three hours. You’d think that wouldn’t be too much for the 16-year-old to handle. You’d be wrong. We got no less than THREE phone calls during the game because he didn’t want to eat anything we had in the house.

Saturday night we had to go to a birthday party at a bar. The party didn’t start until 10:30, which is WAY late for Bucket and I these days. I put Monkeyboy to bed, though he was watching a movie on his portable DVD player (which he calls his “yittle TV”). Everyone else was home, fed and well-instructed when we left the house at 10:00. To make a very long story very short, by the time we had gotten to the bar we had Prankster locked in our bedroom, Pitcher ordered to bed for fighting with Prankster, and Monkeyboy had spilled water on his “yittle TV,” causing it to cease to work. This is a major catastrophe in the Crazykidfamily. We stayed at the bar for two hours and then politely excused ourselves to come home and sort out the damage.

Today Bucket and I went to drop Monkeyboy off at my dad’s house and run to the grocery to grab some super-goodies. We left the three older kids at home. While we were at the store, we got a call from Bucket’s mom. She had been by the house and Bucket’s car was gone. So were Pitcher and Princess (Prankster had gone to a friend’s house). Pitcher has a probationary license. He is not legally able to drive with anyone else in the car unless there’s a licensed driver in the passenger seat. He knows this, because he’s gotten in trouble for it before. Both Pitcher and Princess blatantly lied to us.

I feel like my whole weekend has been spent punishing kids, and that is so not the kind of weekend that feels like any kind of break. I’m going back to work tomorrow and it’s almost a relief. Isn’t that sad? Oh, and while I’m whining, Bucket is on a no-carb  diet that has made him extremely cranky. The combination of the diet causing raw nerves and the Superbowl being an occasion when the rest of us may as well not exist has me wanting to punch him (lightly, of course) in the head

Sometimes raising kids fills me with a feeling of contentedness. More often than not, it makes me happy. This weekend is one of the times when it has felt like a constant uphill, losing battle. I’m beat. Anyone want to rent some kids for a few days??